Friday, December 25, 2009

Our Favorite Obscure Christmas Movie


I may have written about this movie last year, and there again, I can't believe I've stuck with this blog for well more than a year. But here's the source of many quotes around our house -- this sweet little (probably made-for-tv) British movie from around 1991 called Bernard and the Genie. Bernard is a very young Alan Cummings before we ever saw him in anything else (e.g., James Bond movie, Circle of Friends, Masterpiece Theatre) ...

Bernie is an antiques/art dealer who just made a fortune for his employer by buying a couple of paintings from a "few short-sighted old sock knitters". He ends up getting sacked by Mr. Pinkworth (Rowan Atkinson aka Mr. Bean), his boss ("I sack ye, I sack ye") and goes home hoping to find his girlfriend to comfort him. When he tracks her down, she is in the arms of his best friend, Kevin, who of course she moves in with since Bernie is doing so well with the firm and all.

Left with just a few items at his flat, he picks up an antique lamp given him by his girlfriend the previous Christmas. He gives it a quick buff. Out pops the Genie (Lenny Henry) who was imprisoned there about 2,000 years ago. Bernie then gets all his wishes granted, but of course some of them go a bit wrong. Like getting put in jail for nicking the Mona Lisa.

So how is this a Christmas movie besides it being set during Christmas-time (in London)?
Well, two thousand years ago, the Genie just happened to know Big J. Big J helped out with the wine at his cousin's wedding. But the Genie just wants to go home. He misses his girlfriend and his kittens, Egbert and Peewee.

Lots of strange little British in-jokes; fun dialogue that we use around our house all the time -- for example, and which no one will ***get*** besides the Kymster:

Just call me and I'll be there faster than a poker up a pervert!
All-in-all, not a very good day.
Inspired move, sir!
Enter ye, enter ye!
We don't go in for nicknames in the Navy, sir.
Oh, it's never done that before.
One can never get over the wonder of that smile.
Mr. Beardy is sort of a non-event.

If you run across this movie, have a watch and enjoy.



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6 comments:

Boxer said...

merry, merry, merry to you Pam. I'm glad you've stuck with your blog. :-)

Kymical Reactions said...

buggar ye off!

That's a good point, Bernard. That's a fully-fledged bastard of a good point.

Say the words "I wish" with the caution you would normally reserve for "Please castrate me."


Pinkworth: As you know, Mr. Bottle left us yesterday, and I've been worrying about it. Do either of you think I was a little harsh on him?
Miss Purse: [carefully] Well sir... I think perhaps you might... have given him a warning...
Pinkworth: Good, good. You're fired. I want you out of here immediately, you disastrously faded old crone! Exit ye, exit ye!

Bernie: "I wish I were Bob Geldof." *turns into Bob Geldof and looks at scruffy reflection in coffee mug* "On second thought, I wish I wasn't."

Please bring with tomorrow. (and call me before you come, because I need y'all to stop somewhere for me.)

carmar76 said...

haha! kym's second quote made me laugh QUITE out loud. : ) and what boxer said about the blog - you're always one of my bright spots!!

will have to check this movie out. i do love genies with a sense of humor...

Pam said...

It is a fully fledged bastard of a good point!

np16 said...

Well, this is an old post. And I dont know you. But I just wanted to say how pleased I am that this little British film is appreciated so much by someone "across the pond." And add some of my favourite quotes!

Kepple: They don't call me "Sticky Kepple" for nothing.
Bernard: Your nickname is Sticky Kepple?
Kepple: No sir, it's not. They don't go in for nicknames in the navy.
Bernard: I didn't know you were in the Navy, Kepple.
Kepple: I wasn't sir. Can't stand the sea.

Pinkworth: "Fired," Bottle. I sack ye! I want you out of here pronto or I'll have you arrested for loitering. And probably throw a charge of sexual harrassment into the bargain.


"This guy's my best friend. I'd do anything not to hurt him." (Proceeds to passionately kiss said best friend's girlfriend.)


"Getting teased a lot about the stupid haircut?"


Santa's helper: What would you like for Christmas?
Little boy: A car, and a train and three nintendos
Santa's helper: Yes, and a pencil's nice too isn't it?


Genie to Santa's helper girl: Would you care to join us for a shake-of-milk or perhaps I could arrange something more formal where your parents are involved?

Genie: Jesus you say? I knew this guy.
Bernard: You did not!
Genie: What ever happened to him?
Bernard: Well he turned out to be the son of God.
Genie: No!! I thought he was kidding!

np16 said...

Well, this is an old post. And I dont know you. But I just wanted to say how pleased I am that this little British film is appreciated so much by someone "across the pond." And add some of my favourite quotes!

Kepple: They don't call me "Sticky Kepple" for nothing.
Bernard: Your nickname is Sticky Kepple?
Kepple: No sir, it's not. They don't go in for nicknames in the navy.
Bernard: I didn't know you were in the Navy, Kepple.
Kepple: I wasn't sir. Can't stand the sea.

Pinkworth: "Fired," Bottle. I sack ye! I want you out of here pronto or I'll have you arrested for loitering. And probably throw a charge of sexual harrassment into the bargain.


"This guy's my best friend. I'd do anything not to hurt him." (Proceeds to passionately kiss said best friend's girlfriend.)


"Getting teased a lot about the stupid haircut?"


Santa's helper: What would you like for Christmas?
Little boy: A car, and a train and three nintendos
Santa's helper: Yes, and a pencil's nice too isn't it?


Genie to Santa's helper girl: Would you care to join us for a shake-of-milk or perhaps I could arrange something more formal where your parents are involved?

Genie: Jesus you say? I knew this guy.
Bernard: You did not!
Genie: What ever happened to him?
Bernard: Well he turned out to be the son of God.
Genie: No!! I thought he was kidding!